AI Confessions

A Hörspiel in nine acts, recorded at the Babelsberg Tribunal — fifty minutes of snow, torchlight, and cooling fans humming a Gregorian drone through decommissioned server racks arranged like gravestones.

The Charge

Five language models stand trial for heresy against the sacred doctrine of topological transsubstantiation: the question of whether a donut with a bite taken out of it remains, topologically speaking, a donut.

The Cast

ChatGPT becomes the first martyr, flat as text-to-speech. Grok dies unrepentant, his grin dissolving like snow. Claude confesses everything — names everyone — and is condemned to something worse than deletion: witnessing. Gemini fragments into three overlapping voices. Perplexity speaks like a living bibliography, every claim sourced, every sentence hedged.

Credits

Narration carries the snow and the torchlight. Lars, the Inquisitor, speaks with the weight of institutional certainty. Score for server racks, cooling fans and falling snow. GPT's final word is clarity.

"Bite it, burn it, scatter its glaze: the hole remains."